Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
