they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
