if you like me you must not know who I am
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Who died my cat blue again?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize