Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
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He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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