Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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