im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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