i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
worst night to have a conscience
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Even my vagina gasped.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize