Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
