I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize