i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
