I heard we made out
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
