I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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