The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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