i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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