he thought i was a dude.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
