just tell him i said nine months
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
