how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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