Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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