I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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