so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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