just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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