if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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