does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
