you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
