M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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