Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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