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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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