i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
