Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
