How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You pole danced in your parka.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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