i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dear god my vagina.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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