i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
