what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
