tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
