you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
