I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
