So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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