Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
