Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

all we need is a web designer

(1-973): View more from New Jersey

and a bunch of prostitutes

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate

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(904): View more from Florida

its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.

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(614): View more from Ohio

THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT

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(253): View more from Washington

I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.

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