My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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