Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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