How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
