I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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