Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
