Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
