woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
