I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
