Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
