So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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