you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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