My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
