I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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