I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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