I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
