It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
