wat bout pragnant strippers??
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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