I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
