I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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