So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
