Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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