Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
