This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
