Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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